The Complainer

Shut the hell up if you don't have anything nice to say.

Bertha! Git ma shotgun, ones thu dawgs gone crazy. Gots ta shoot it!!!

Dear load,
Please spite this lunatic with an incurable form of laryngitis.
Billy :)

Porcelain Bank

Everytime I go to make a deposit at the porcelain bank I think of the following humorous things to say;

• Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.
• Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."
  
• Drop a marble and say, "Oh shit!! My glass eye!!"
  
• Say, "Damn, this water is cold."
  
• Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place. Sigh relaxingly.
  
• Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."
  
• Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!!"
  
• Say," Interesting....more sinkers than floaters"
  
• Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?
  
• Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot!"
  
• Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"

When I get my deposit slip it's always blank.

Annoying coworkers

I've come to realize how many crazy people work around me and it's a little unnerving. At least I don't have it as bad as The Crazed Boss, now that's some serious lunacy.

Fuzzy clothes are warm...

It would be nice to be wearing a gigantic polar bear suit right now. Isn't it more fun to fill your mind with benign nonsense than to actually have a productive day when it's raining outside.

Special for the day

I was buying lunch at a Teriyaki place. I know better to get lunch from there but my coworkers insisted we go. (Ever noticed how Koreans are very good at cooking delicious Teriyaki, yet Japanese aren't very good at it.)

Ok, on to my story. The fellow at the counter speaks extremely broken Engrish. Not funny broken Engrish... more of the marbles in mouth and drank a six pack o' beer type of Asian Ingreish. I really like the guy but feel more sorry than amused. Well, the special for the day was Chicken Curry with noodles. You would think this would be easy to say... well you'd be mistaken.

Chicken Curry Noodles came out as Chikin kuddy Doodoos... I kid not. Actual quote "No rice, has doodoos" Has what? "Doodoos in kuddy"

I just peed my pants.